I've had trichotillomania for 23 years and not once during that time have I bruised my eyelid from pulling. This was a new and scary experience for me. An old thought crept back into my mind once again, Barbara, what have you done?
Like many people with eyelash-focused trichotillomania, I've pulled out all of my eyelashes countless times. Over and over again. I've lived with bare eyelids for years at a time. It wasn't pleasant but it was something I was used to and could prepare for. Remember those photographs of me in high school with dark raccoon-like black eyeliner? Yes? So you get it. No? Okay great just take my word for it.
In January of this year the urge to pull out my eyelashes was so intense that no management tools could help. Believe me—I tried them all! And so what happened? Well, you guessed it! I began to pull out my eyelashes one by one until my trichotillomania let me go.
Once I was out of the trichotillomania trance I took a picture, as I often do, to see what I had done. My eyelid wasn't bruised yet, just red and irritated. I thought to myself, Normal.
Well, so much for normal. I woke up to a bruised eyelid and as I mentioned earlier, I was scared! I had never seen this before! It was big and dark! It didn't hurt when I touched it but it looked like it would. I wondered aloud, "How long will this take to go away?"
I was used to existing with eyelashes that were in different stages of regrowth. That wasn't a problem for me. BUT this bruise felt like it was shining a light on my bare eyelid and screaming, "LOOK! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG HERE!" It brought me back to middle school and high school where I felt like everyone was looking at me.
I didn't even take a quality photograph of the bruising because I was nervous! The picture above is one I took while I was on Zoom because I thought to myself, Jeez, it is still so dark.
When I looked online as to why my eyelid bruised I was reminded that eyelids are incredibly sensitive. Even a tug on an eyelash, without removing it, could break the tiny blood vessels and cause bruising. It seems like this could've happened to me way more frequently but just hadn't.
After about a week the bruising went away and my eyelid returned to normal.
I share all this so that if this ever happens to you (I hope it doesn't) you'll know that you will be okay. Trichotillomania is tough but you're tougher.
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