I have had the honor of getting to know J. Dana Trent through the online trichotillomania community over the last few years. When I found out she was publishing her memoir that included her experience with trichotillomania, I instantly ordered and once it arrived I couldn't stop reading! I mean, I would've ordered it anyway because I have all of Dana's other books, but the trichotillomania was an added bonus!
Before I share quotes and potential spoilers from Between Two Trailers, I want to give you an opportunity to purchase your own copy and pause reading this blog post! Come back to it later, I won't be offended!
The back cover of Between Two Trailers:
"A powerful, unforgettable memoir about a girl who escapes her childhood as a preschool drug dealer in rural Indiana—only to find that no one can really “make it out” until they make peace with where their story began: home
Home, it turns out, is where the war is. It’s also where the healing begins.
Dana Trent is only a preschooler the first time she uses a razor blade to cut up weed and fill dime bags for her schizophrenic father, King. While King struggles with his unmedicated psychosis, Dana’s mother, the Lady, a cold and self-absorbed woman whose personality disorders rule the home, guards large bricks of drugs from the safety of their squalid trailer. But when the Lady impulsively plucks Dana from the Midwest and moves the two of them south, their fresh start results in homelessness and bankruptcy. In North Carolina, Dana becomes torn between her gritty midwestern past and her newfound desire to be a polite southern girl, struggling to reconcile her shame with an ache to figure out who she is, and where she belongs.
But the past is never far behind. After persevering through childhood and eventually graduating from Duke University, Dana imagines that her hidden Indiana life is finally behind her, only to realize that running from her upbringing has kept her from making peace with the people and places that shaped her. Ultimately, Dana finds that though love for family is universally complicated, there is no shame in survival, and for those who want it, there is always a path home."
One last thing, Dana was a guest on my podcast, Trich Talks, this past Wednesday! We discuss in depth Dana's experience with trichotillomania as well as the writing of and publishing of Between Two Trailers. I didn't want our episode to ever end! We could've talked about our experiences for more than the almost-hour episode we recorded together. This is an episode you do not want to miss. Listen to Dana's episode below!
Okay, now let's dive into Between Two Trailers!
The first time Dana mentions her trichotillomania is on page 86:
I reached up to my hair for the unconscious yet soothing twist-pop-pull motion that always eased my worries. The Lady slapped my fingers away, and the car swerved. I was jolted from the ride, the music, my thoughts.
"Dana, that's not for ladies," she fussed.
"They want to know why we have so much hair around here," The Lady
had said one snowy day after she hired a carpet cleaner to shampoo the trailer shag with money we didn't have. "I told them, 'Because I refuse to vacuum.'" She smiled, gleeful that someone else had to deal with the dirty remnants of her daughter's hair pulling. The brand-new Electrolux sweeper she'd put on her credit card was tucked away in the closet.
Grandmother had tried to cure me of my hair pulling, which had started
years before when I was barely potty-trained. That winter when the Lady was in bed, Grandmother had dolled me up in a vermilion-red dress with tiny white flowers, white tights, and brown shoes. Fluffing my coif for a Sears photographer, she created an illusion of side-swept hair. But no camera magic could hide what had become my half mullet. I was beginning a lifelong struggle with a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB) called trichotillomania, a maladaptive coping mechanism for anxiety and stress.
I instantly related to Dana's experience here. The shame that comes with not only pulling out our hair but being caught doing it! I've had my hand slapped away many times and I know those who did it were being helpful in the best way they knew how but it always hurt my feelings more than it hurt physically.
I have a vivid memory like Dana's with her grandmother but with my mother. I had pulled out the hair at the very top of my forehead enough to create a bald spot and it was finally growing back after hiding under thick headbands. I had enough regrowth that my mother was able to use hair gel to slick down my regrowth and blend it into a hairstyle that reminded me of the old me. Even at such a young age, I was already pleased that I could hide my trichotillomania. But like Dana said, camera magic can't hide everything. If you look closely at the picture below you can see little pieces of hair that the gel couldn't contain.
I love that Dana not only shared her experience so openly during her first mention of the disorder but also included the name! I know that so many people will feel comforted by seeing their disorder named for the world to see. I also know there will be people who pull out their hair, without knowing there is a name for it, that will learn and be able to get the resources and community they didn't know existed! Joy will be brought into their lives because of Dana's bravery in sharing her story.
Dana goes on to mention her trichotillomania almost 10 more times! And although I'd love to share every quote with you, I don't want to take away the feeling of you stumbling upon them yourselves as you read this powerful memoir of trauma and resilience.
Thank you, Dana.
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