In this blog post I will be responding to a question from my guided journal, My Trichster Diaries. Please feel free to share your answer in the comments below.
I wish I could tell you that no one ever pointed out my trichotillomania but if I did I would be a big fat liar! It was constantly pointed out to me that I looked different or weird or my personal favorite, like an alien. Besides being wrapped up in my own personal turmoil trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I had to face others and it wasn't great. It was awful.
I knew every time I left the house that I looked different from the day before. My own negative self-talk was running through my head the second I woke up, telling me how ugly I looked. I wasn't surprised that people pointed it out because I assumed they would but I was always caught off guard. Mostly because I didn't have the words to answer their questions and I fiercely hoped no one would have the courage to say something mean to my face. Spoiler alert: they had the courage to say something mean to my face! Many times!
In my book, The Trichster Diaries, a collection of short stories, poems, photographs, and interviews detailing my life with trichotillomania, I write about these moments as well as many others.
Chapters that come to mind and without giving too much away:
"My Brother Shaved My Eyebrows Off" about the time a boy screamed, "Barbara, where are your eyebrows?" in front of a huge group of people and my brother came to my defense.
"Hiding Behind a Headband" about the time a boy publicly shamed me for wearing a thick headband and threatened to pull it off.
"Mommy Mullet" about the time I had to cut my hair a certain way because I had a large bald spot and some of my classmates said I had a mullet.
"She's a B Word" about the time a girl commented on one of my Facebook pictures reminiscing about my lack of eyebrows.
The list could go on! As an adult, I'm happy to share about my trichotillomania but as a child and teenager it was something I wanted to keep to myself. Unfortunately, trichotillomania is something many of us have no choice but to share with others because of how it physically alters our appearance.
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