When I stumbled upon Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl in Temple University's Barnes & Noble in 2012, I had no idea just how obsessed I would be. Like almost everyone, I finished Gone Girl in what felt like an instant. Talk about one of the greatest books of all time! A quick Google search showed me she had written other books. Off to Target I went!
I picked up Sharp Objects and Dark Places and couldn’t decide which one to begin first. It ended up being Sharp Objects. There I was enjoying another Gillian Flynn novel when BOOM! A bomb was dropped on me. A character pulls out their eyelashes.
As I mentioned this was 2012, I was 21 and secretly living with trichotillomania. It wasn’t something I ever really talked about unless I felt like I had to. For context, I didn’t start anonymously sharing my experience on @thetrichsterdiaries Instagram until the end of 2018. I was still six years away from even thinking about sharing my experience. So reading about a character pulling out their eyelashes rocked my world.
I remember feeling frustrated that the name of the disorder, trichotillomania, was never said. It wouldn’t have been far-fetched that one of the daughters would know that their mother has trichotillomania, especially when one is a reporter.
It seemed my frustration came from the desire to be seen. I could relate to how Flynn described Adora’s eyelash pulling. Leaving little piles around the house. I’d done that. Flynn was a world renowned author, especially after her success with Gone Girl, even though this was published years before it, she had an opportunity here.
When I finished the book my usual tingling feeling was laced with a touch of despair. Great book but I wish she said the name. Even though I was still years away from wanting to share my own story I could feel the importance.
Looking back I’m not sure why I was putting so much pressure on Flynn to announce the name when other authors included trichotillomania and didn’t. If I had to guess I’d say it was because it was eyelash pulling. Flynn had taken it a step further into the trichotillomania realm which led me to believe she had a deeper understanding of the disorder. The media loves depicting women pulling out their hair for a dramatic effect but pulling eyelashes? Now that you don’t see everyday.
16 years after Sharp Objects was published, HBO picked it up as a television show starring Amy Adams and Patricia Clarkson (Adora).
From the very first episode it is obvious that Adora is pulling out her eyelashes. There are multiple clips that I will include below. Her mannerisms feel true to the way that I experience the disorder, especially the moment where she catches herself and almost pulls but instead places her hand down.
A difference I found between Adora’s eyelash pulling and my own was not the removal of the eyelash itself but what was done after the eyelash was pulled. Yes, Adora is said to leave little piles around the house, something I did as well but immediately after pulling out an eyelash I rub it across my lips. You can see from the clips that Adora does not. This depiction isn’t wrong though because not everyone in the trichotillomania community does the “lip thing.”
Something that stood out to me both in the book and television show is how Adora is pulling out her eyelashes. It isn’t a dramatic tug and all eyelashes are removed, something we saw with hair in The Sopranos. Instead it is a subtle and gentle gesture. That’s how trichotillomania feels to me. Gentle.
21 year old Barbara, still hiding in shame, was a little harsh toward Flynn because she didn’t name trichotillomania in the book. 33 year old Barbara just appreciates that eyelash pulling was mentioned at all, name or not.
Being able to see yourself in books or television shows is a wonderful feeling and with Sharp Places we got both! Lucky us.
Have you read Sharp Objects or watched the show? What is your opinion?
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