Released in 2003 and directed by Jennifer Raikes, Bad Hair Life: A Documentary about Trichotillomania, still rings true for those who live with trichotillomania, the hair pulling disorder. In the last 21 years not much has changed and yet... so much has.
Before I begin, I want to give you the opportunity to watch this documentary yourself. Please feel free to let me know what your thoughts are in the comments of this blog post. I'd love to hear them.
As I mentioned above, Bad Hair Life: A Documentary about Trichotillomania was released in 2003 and the reason that is so important to me is because that is only two years after I developed trichotillomania. While my family and I were fighting for our lives to understand what was happening to me, Jennifer Raikes was gathering research and stories from real people that I would watch 21 years later.*
Most of the people featured in the documentary had been living with trichotillomania for longer than I'd been alive, yet I could relate to everything they were saying. It was like they were speaking about my personal experience themselves, like they were hiding cameras around my house and had access to my inner-dialogue. That's a creepy image but you understand what I'm getting at. They were just like me!
From the description of pulling to what was done with the hair after it was removed to the feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. I have done and felt all of those things. I pulled a little while writing this! The feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness are gone but the scars are still there and easily remembered.
One person from the documentary, Molly, developed trichotillomania around the same time I did—I developed it in 2001 at 10 while she developed it in 2003 at 12. Watching her and her mother share their experiences brought tears to my eyes because it transported me back in time.
Below is my passport photo from 2003, a few months before I turned 12. In this photo you can see my eyelids are completely bare and although it looks like I have a full head of hair, I was hiding a pretty substantial bald spot under those bangs. That's the only reason I have them. I didn't want them.
Molly talks about feeling carefree as a five year old and missing those times, before she turned 11 and became "bound down with burdens." I too would remember moments before my trichotillomania took over my life and feel a pit in my stomach as I realized I could never live that way again.
No child should have to carry emotions so heavy they're crippling and yet we did. Many of us did into adulthood. Many of us never let those emotions go.
What hasn't changed since the documentary's release?
Trichotillomania is still an unknown disorder to many.
Trichotillomania affects people of all walks of life.
There is no cure.
Christina Pearson is our fairy godmother.
Community changes lives for the better.
What has?
People are more willing to share their experience with others whether in person or through social media outlets.
Adequate treatment options are becoming more available as people with trichotillomania are becoming mental health professionals, medical professionals, coaches, and hair stylists.
There are more trichotillomania-focused trainings for said professionals.
More research is being done.
If you or someone you love is living with trichotillomania, watching this documentary may bring you comfort. You are not alone and you never were. And although, like Jennifer Raikes said, "I still dream of quiet hands" I know that my trichotillomania is just one part of me not all of me.
*I'm sure someone told me about this documentary as I was growing up but my desire to learn more about trichotillomania wasn't there. I was horribly ashamed and embarrassed of my behavior. I hated when my parents brought it up so I can imagine that if they told me about this documentary back then it would've only upset me—even though it would've been beneficial to see people like me.
Comments