If there's one thing I want you to know about me it is that I refuse to feel bad about my trichotillomania. I flat-out refuse. I have spent YEARS of my life beating myself up over this chronic disorder and it changed nothing.
I manage my trichotillomania to the best of my ability. I try new interventions. I try old interventions. After 22 years I am finally able to go with the flow of my trichotillomania and act accordingly. It's important to note that relapses still happen but I'm better at managing those too.
One of the interventions I use is playing with my split-ends. I LOVE playing with them and always have. If you're familiar with my story you'll remember I wrote about this in my memoir, The Trichster Diaries. I play with my split-ends all the time and I'm not worried about it because it serves an important purpose.
When I was first diagnosed with trichotillomania the response was that I needed to stop immediately and that didn't work (Do I sound like a broken record?). The interventions I tried worked for a little then stopped. The only thing that could consistently help me from pulling out my hair from my scalp was playing with my split-ends and I know what you're thinking: too close. And to be fair, it is VERY close but that is the exact reason why it works for me!
I'm able to get into the "trich trance" without causing more bald spots on my scalp. The satisfaction from finding a split-end is similar to finding the crinkly hair that I love so much. Yes, the ends of my hair might be a little damaged but keeping my hair in my scalp is more important. So for now (and probably for always) you'll catch me with my hands in my hair.